Inaugural Mental Health & Wellness Workshop at Derbycon8

This year was the first ever (as far as I can tell) Mental Health & Wellness workshop at an information security conference. For those of you that haven't heard my Hackers, Hugs, & Drugs talk a little background is called for first. I've been struggling with anxiety and depression since my mid-teens in one way or another. Poor relationships did nothing but fuel the issues I was already having. When I started interacting with the infosec community about 6 years ago I started feeling a sense of belonging. Through my trials with different medications and coping mechanisms I've started to get a little more of a handle on (or at least a better awareness) of my own mental health. I consider this community my family, more so than most blood relation that I have. This has been the first group of people that understand me and you understand others around you. When I began tweeting, posting, and talking to people at cons about anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues I realized that there are a LOT of people here that not only are struggling with this type of stuff, but trying to tackle it alone like I did for a good 10 years or so. I've had amazing conversations with some super smart and personable people, that you'd never imagine would be struggling. The kind of people that look like they have it together. I want to continue this conversation and try to make it as public and without stigma as possible.

After a year and a half giving this talk at various conferences and meetups I continued to be awestruck at the overwhelmingly positive responses. Each time I would think "Ok, maybe I've given this speech enough", I would have another person come up to me to talk about how it lead them to go get some counseling, or to change their minds about self harm or suicide. After hearing story after story I thought it would be good to continue these efforts at a larger scale. While I love speaking, it only reaches a certain number of people. We needed more. That is when the idea of the workshop came about, and honestly it did turn out to be more of a village with smaller workshops inside of it. After pitching the idea to Derbycon and getting accepted the idea started to take shape. The gofundme campaign was created and earned around $7,000 for not only this particular instance, but to donate to charity what we had left over (more details at the end, so keep reading obviously).

This room turned into something more than I could have ever envisioned. I wanted to help others by providing a quiet space and some information but it sometimes morphed into a therapeutic sharing session and conversations that I even have a hard time explaining. Our four massage therapists were never not busy, so definitely expect to see them back again next year. We fidgeted, colored, created, napped, hugged, cried, ate, and meditated; all with friends and family surrounding us in a positive and calming environment.

None of this would have been possible without the amazing help of all of the volunteers that signed up, and some that didn't really even sign up but were roped in one way or another. I'd like to especially thank @click_wire for helping with almost every aspect at the conference, and keeping me from having a few ongoing breakdowns myself. @v33na for giving us her yoga and meditation expertise as well as leading a group discussion on self care and emotional intelligence. @andMYhacks for covering some time management skills as well as always checking in and being on top of things (not just the air loungers). @JaysonStreet for his deeply touching and heart wrenching talk, he sure knows how to command a room. The responses and interactions with him as our final speaker left the whole room in tears. @0rphik for all of the help setting up and continued interaction and compassion to others around you, for those that weren't crying after Jayson was done, they were when you spoke (oh, and thanks again for the book #squee). @RayRedacted for the immense amount of help and positive interactions you brought to the room as well as an awesome talk on bringing light to our lives. Both @Tr0phywifehacks and @S1r3nn for bringing your supplies and knowledge and helping so many people with it.

Our speakers and discussion group leaders @dakacki, @investigatorchi, @f0zziehakz, @brentwdesign, @ZanshinH4x, @Integgroll, @hoshin, @Blenster, @SteveGroark, @bsdbandit, @5urv1va7rix (and her amazing service dog Trevor) who not only shared personal stories, but listened to yours and taught us a lot of amazing information that wouldn't normally be covered at a conference like this.

Our volunteers that watched the room, checked up on things, and were just amazing overall @oncee, @mr_minion, @SirgurdWV, @landonchelf, @secbuff, @cillic, @EricGershman and his wife Tina, Cherie, Val & my favorite puppy Fava. We also couldn't have gotten this far without the help of @HackingDave, @Karl_Creepy, Dave DeSimone and the rest of the @DerbyCon crew. Not to mention the inspiration I've gotten from @mubix with #hackingtogether and @ihackedwhat.

Also, for those of you that poured your heart out, found help, connections, friends, family, support, and whatever else you may have needed or felt like you could give at the time. I love you all and can't wait to see you again!!!!

Some final numbers and information about the workshop:

GoFundMe Info

• Total Views: 1571
• Total Donors: 28
• Total raised: $7,026
• Donating to Charity (Brain & Behavior Research Foundation): $1,321

Workshop

• 22 volunteers
• 8 presentations
• 7 group discussions
• 2 hours of yoga
• apx 120 chair massages given
• gallons of tears
• 1 flattened Lintile

Up Next

• Looking for corporate sponsors - If you're interested in donating or volunteering in any way we're looking to switch from a gofundme to corporate sponsors in some shape or form. Feel free to contact me through here or twitter.
• Headed to @DachFest in Munich to run this again
• Possibly doing this as a village for @BsidesLV and more

My first year of cons - Knowledge and Squishy Feels

Last year DerbyCon 3.0 was my first hacker con ever, and I just sat down from a long week at DerbyCon 4.0. In this year I've now been to 7 total. I've gone from a lowly attendance goer with no clue of who anyone was and zero self confidence to a conference organizer, blog writer, speaker, and volunteer with 0.1% self confidence. It's been an amazing journey of learning, networking, experience, and fun.

My first DerbyCon got me hooked. I was in somewhat of a volatile and unhealthy relationship at the time (now looking from the outside in) and the only way that I was "allowed" to attend was the fact that Dave Kennedy (founder of DerbyCon) had given me a free ticket to attend. I spent the entire con moving from talk to talk, taking notes, not actually speaking to anyone much (lest I get in trouble). The moment it really hit me that this is where I belong was during the DerbyCake CTF (capture the flag) Challenge. I was working solo into the early morning hours on different challenges, even though I was not even close to being as technical to the other people in the room competing or the organizer Rob Fuller (mubix). The amount of help, comradery, and just good fun that we all had in that room just opened my mind and made me realize what I wanted to do in life. I walked away from that CTF with some amazing knowledge and some great friends. That led into the closing ceremonies where I saw what amazing and giving people they all were. It was a true family!! I could totally be a part of this!!

The person inside of me that had been lost and oppressed was awoken, which sped up the decline of my marriage. Shortly after this I was given the (false sense of a) choice between my career and my marriage. I still believe that I made the right move. Going after a career that means so much to me shouldn't be mutually exclusive to a relationship. If you'd like the long story sometime just let me know. I spent such a long time in a state of depression and anxiety that I had started on some anti-depression and anti-anxiety medication about 4 months prior. The meds helped a lot with my internal struggles. I wouldn't be where I am today without them and the infosec community.

After my husband and I split up (a week following derby) I dove headfirst into the community, working, and learning. An article I wrote transitioned into me submitting my first, second, and third CFPs (call for presenters); being accepted to speak and volunteering for CircleCityCon. CircleCityCon was my fourth con ever. I enjoyed volunteering so much for BsidesNash that I volunteered for that as well and submitted to speak. I had some of the things go through my head that so many others have. "Who wants to hear what I have to say, I don't know anything!!" My friends pushed me to go for it. I had to start somewhere. CircleCityCon needed more help after I volunteered so I became an organizer and plan on doing so again next year.

At my second con, Bsides Columbus, I was still super shy and didn't really talk to many people. Fast forward to BsidesNash I met some amazing people, had Raf Los convince me to ride a mechanical bull, and met some people in person that I had known online for awhile. I thought I was going to just wait until DerbyCon for my next con after that. Which I was ok with. It's way worth it. After all I did get an anonymous donation to send me to training. That was something that just blew my mind. Someone, somehow, figured out I was interested in becoming a pentester and wanted me to realize my dream. Instead of waiting for derby my friend tehExodus decided to start a crowdfund for me so I could go to my first DEFCON. Even though I was starting to get a grip on my place in the community, DEFCON is still something that was a little intimidating. Really just from the stories I had heard; creepy dudes, no family vibe like derby, Vegas craziness. I signed up right away to volunteer for BsidesLV. Volunteering is a great way to meet people, learn the behind the scenes of a con, and contribute back to the community. BsidesLV and DEFCON were both amazing. I had a great time at a lot of different parties, workshops, and CTFs. I didn't have a single issue with creepy dudes, rockstars, or rude people. I am forever thankful for the people and friends that donated to me so I could make the trip.

A close friend of mine told me that the reason that it works so well and we feel so close to each other is that many of us are broken. We are broken in different ways. Whether it be from bad relationships, to medical/physical/psychological/emotional issues, to clinical depression, to a whole range of other brokenness. I guess in summary I just want to point out that we all have a starting point. Sometimes we'll be lifted out of a dark and horrible place into the light among new friends. Other times we just need that nudge in the right direction of where to start. Either way, welcome to our community, I can't wait to see what this next year brings!!

A special thanks goes out to Dave Kennedy (@HackingDave), Rob Fuller (@mubix), Steve Loughran (@z0rlac), Adrian Crenshaw (@irongeek_adc), Josh Louden (@tehEx0dus), Bill Garder (@oncee), Nate Husted (@DrWhomPhD), Jason Samide (@jason_samide), Michael Smith (@drbearsec), Ben Ten (@Ben0xA), Michael Cooley (@irishjack), DerbyCon (@DerbyCon), CircleCityCon (@CircleCityCon), BsidesNash (@BsidesNash), BsidesLV (@BsidesLV), Defcon (@_defcon_) and every other person that has helped me realize that I have potential, helped me through the bad times, and have made me feel welcome.

Hackers Are People Too

We are hackers and we are proud.
We question and answer, we break and fix, we create and destroy, we attack and defend, we teach and are taught.
We provide value by inspiring others to do the same.
We care about the safety of your data!

Hopefully this article will help enlighten you to what a "hacker" truly is. We want to spread the word and break the negative stereotypes that come with the word and profession.

We'll start off with a couple questions.


1. When you think of a hacker what do you think of?

Some of the most prominent hackers in recent news would be Edward Snowden or Anonymous as well as other nameless groups or people. Most of these people/groups/activities have a negative connotation right? Nothing but a bunch of hi-tech criminals. But then again, most of the news that sells is negative. Who wants to write a story about the 99% of hackers that are doing good work in the local and global economies? Well, since you're here reading this article, it means this newspaper, website, blog, etc... feels that it is just as important.

The first time I actually considered myself a hacker was during my first trip to a “hackercon” (conference) called DerbyCon in Louisville, KY. When I arrived I was blown away at the sheer amount of knowledge and skill that I was surrounded by. I felt like a very small fish in a giant ocean. But I have to tell you, there wasn’t a single person that was too good to talk to me. They would strike up conversations as you walked by, while we were in talks learning, and if they saw you out in a restaurant. They were there to teach just as much as they were there to learn. The security practices and tools that I learned about that weekend not only would help the security of the organization that I work for, but the security of the data of everyone in the community. In those three days I realized that I wanted to work in Information Security and become a good hacker (aka “White hat”).

One thing that really upset me was during DerbyCon a reporter at WDRB in Louisville posted to his Facebook and Twitter account this

“I don’t know how I feel about this--DerbyCon happening at Hyatt downtown. It’s a convention for computer hackers. Sessions include password cracking, hacker war games and a lock picking pavilion. Thoughts?” - Sterling Riggs

This sparked some very hurtful comments from the residents of the city. Such as “The cops should be waiting to arrest anyone upon their arrival. It’s a shame that people have the brains to do stuff like that, but are too lazy to get a real job…” and “Should be outlawed”. We need to stop letting this fear mongering happen and stop participating in it when it does. As a single mom of three, I’ve had a steady job since I was 16 and would rather not go to jail for trying to help others.

Hackers are all around you. Hopefully bettering the company you work for, the hospital you need to visit, the stores you shop at, and the services you use. We’re there, but you don’t realize it because we’re doing our job to protect you and your data. Yes there are a lot of threats out on the internet, but with the bad come a whole lot of good.

An amazing group of hackers is Hackers For Charity (HFC) www.hackersforcharity.org. Hackers for Charity's Food for Work Program feeds hungry children in Africa but also teaches them to grow gardens to become self-sufficient. They have a whole group of volunteers that travel from city to city and attend hacker cons to raise money for this cause through auctions, t-shirts, zombie makeup drives, and more.

An extremely popular con is DEF CON. Located in Las Vegas, Nevada, DEF CON is possibly the largest con in the USA, drawing people from around the world.  In 2010, over 10,000 people attended DEF CON 18. At almost last minute notice project Bloodkode was setup to accept blood donations for a member of the community that had become ill. In the first hour all of the appointments had been filled, and they had to actively turn away donors. Bloodkode has now been expanded and will continue to collect donations at each DEF CON.


2. How many of you would purchase a car for your family that had never gone through crash or safety testing?

Companies of every size and every household should think of their data the same way. Wouldn’t you want to be for certain that your car wouldn’t blow up at the next pothole? Or that it had seatbelts, warning lights, airbags, etc? Well that’s a good analogy that describes why hackers break stuff! We enjoy and most times get paid to try and break into systems or make them do things that they aren’t meant to do. Because if we didn’t someone else would.

3. What questions can we answer for you? About our community, the work we do, or the lives we lead? Maybe you’re interesting in getting into this field of work as well?

#HackersArePeopleToo  <3 @Infosystir